From Earth I Rose

There is absolutely nothing ordinary about the day that I have had. Gaining perspective on your life from a book is not exactly orthodox. And yet, here I stand, fully prepared to defend my position to the world: that I have read something that is giving me a clearer vision of what I want out of life.

The goal? LEAVE THIS PLACE. Make as many memories as I can now (and document it as efficiently as is humanly possible), but move on. Work hard this summer, and take the opportunity to spend some money on scrapbooking my memories and outfitting my dorm before I hit scrounge mode in September. And finally, spend every minute that is not focused on something I am working on prior to September, directing my energy towards leaving and creating a new life for myself. That means having the perspective that my schoolwork is all just extra stuff to help me get more money in entrance bursaries (and a better chance of getting into more schools).

I am fully prepared to accept that I am a different person than the girl who was friends with nameless girl who did not accept me for who I was. I am aware that I am also not the girl who stepped on stage 4 years ago and sang about love and loss to a room of people looking to support a cause. I am not the same person who recorded an album 2 years ago. I am not the girl who dated friend whom I once loved. I'm no longer even the girl who slept with nameless boy whom I have come to loath.

I still enjoy the same things. Music will always be a part of my identity, but I don't feel as though I'm so undoubtedly inhuman without it. I still love my old friends, the boys who were part of all my childhood adventures, the girls who helped me through my teenage trials and tribulations. I still love writing, getting dressed up, being around people, and going shopping.

But now, I see a life ahead for me. A life of oganization and preparedness. I'm ready to conquer all things to do with university: get involved in a sorority, and a choir or community theatre, take part in sports events (team colours, painted faces, tailgating), studying until all hours of the night, writing brilliant papers on the themes of misogyny, failure, pain and love in Shakespeare's greatest works, and meeting amazing new people. I'm ready to work hard, and make myself a life that I love and enjoy.

There are a few things I want for my future life, and I think that right now I'm looking at them the wrong way...

I am seen as a whore.

should be

I am respected and admired.

I lack the talent and discipline to

better myself.

should be

Many people admire my talents,

and I continue to work towards

bettering myself every day.

My friends no longer care about me.

should be

I have friends who love me and

care about me unconditionally.

I just have to remember to change my thoughts to match what I want in my life...

Mall Pictures 16-04-10

Work, Love and Shopping

Dear cute boy who I served at work yesterday,

Your cologne smelled delicious, but it happened to be the exact cologne that nameless boy whom I have come to loath wears. I was very distraught when I realized this.

Please refrain from using that fragrance,

Songbird

Dear cologne company who is soon to receive some boycotting,

Sorry to inform you, but you have one particular fragrance that must be immediately taken off the market due to the misleading ideas that it puts in young girls' innocent (and sometimes not-so-innocent) minds. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Songbird

Dear lovely ladies who now share BFF bracelets with me,

The mall today was phenomenal, and I thoroughly enjoyed being able to hang out with two such amazing girls as yourselves. Thank you for distracting me from the realities of the world for such a blissful couple of hours. (See pictures, next post).

Love forever and ever,

Songbird

Ever Fallen in Love?

Love is a seemingly incomprehensible topic, but is unfortunately tackled by many movies in a bland, "cookie-cutter" manner. Boy meets unavailable girl (or vice versa). Boy falls in love, and wins girl over using the fact that he is so different from anyone she's ever met to his advantage. Boy and girl realize that they are perfect for one another, and live happily ever after.

In recent years, few romantic comedies have strayed far from this idealistic depiction of current trends in relationships. The Accidental Husband is no exception. The movie begins with sickeningly orthodox "chick flick" chatter, as the archetypal wise sage is brought immediately into our midst. Dr. Emma Lloyd (Uma Thurman), a young, accomplished novelist and host of the radio show "Real Love" offers up her insight on matters of the heart. She hears from a young woman having second thoughts about her impending marriage, and advises her to follow her to call it off. The woman's fiancee, a rugged firefighter by the name of Patrick Sullivan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), hears their conversation on the radio, and seeks to give Dr. Lloyd a taste of her own medicine. His interference in her wedding plans is the catalyst for a whole slew of misunderstandings, wherein deluded emotions reign. In the end, the two realize that they are undoubtedly happy together. Dr. Lloyd becomes Dr. Sullivan, and the two live a wonderful life together.

With an annoyingly bubbly soundtrack to top it all off, the film will definitely not be making anyone's list of romantic favourites. There was a limited amount of chemistry between Thurman and Morgan's characters, albeit one particularly steamy elevator episode. The story was typical and unimaginative, leaving no one to wonder about what would happen next, and the supporting roles were lacking in professionalism and maturity, bordering on B movie quality.

The film was laced with the characteristic themes of honesty and chivalry - the two things a woman wants in a man, according to the vast majority of romance movies floating around. This, in combination with the frequent and implausible coincidences that had to occur in order to make the story possible made the movie redundant and inaccessible. The relationship Dr. Emma Lloyd has with her father is, at first glance, refreshing and sweet, but soon proves to be just as
colloquial as every other character relationship, as the discovery is made that the family struggles with trust issues.

Redeeming qualities about the movie included short-lived bursts of sexist wit that I couldn't help but crack a smile at. Subsequently, Jeffrey Dean Morgan did a wonderful job portraying the broken-hearted man at his wit's end. While this may be a mundane role, the type of character that one comes across too many times on the big screen, it is indicative of the mindset that so many base their lives upon. Society believes in this true love fairy tale, and if this movie serves no other purpose, it should at least show us that fairy tales are not always plausible or even valid.

For those looking for a typical romantic comedy, you can find a poor example in The Accidental Husband, my personal choice to win the Oscar for least imaginative motion picture.

Letters Home From the Garden of Stone

Dear nameless boy whom I have come to loath,

Whenever I get to spend time with you, I accidentally start falling for you again. The way you hold me, play with my hair, and the things you say about my body just make me feel so woderful inside, and I can't help but imagine the emotions you must be experiencing that would prompt you to be so lovely and sweet.

Unfortunately, then the inevitable happens. You get bored, and go chasing some ex or just ignoring me in the most outrught of ways, and suddenly I become painfully aware of the truth. I remember for the umpteenth time that you are only looking for an easy lay, and that you tire quickly of playing games if there's no sex to be had in the near future.

The thing is, your ploy is so convincing that I can't help but continue to imagine that it might possibly be true. And then I get to thinking (a concept that seems entirely foreign to you). I remember who I am, and I remember that I take pride in myself and my accomplishments. The problem is, I haven't gotten past this part yet. It's usually around here that I fall apart, and begin to question my own worth. I seek comfort in your warm compliments, and warmer embrace, and the cycle begins again.

You, my dear, are the straw that is breaking the camel's back. I just wish that my heart was as smart as my brain.

Luckily, I'll be gone soon, and these feelings will all become just remnants of nightmarish memories.

Hope you learn a thing or two from some of these girls you play,

Songbird


Dear parental figure whom I have a hard time taking seriously,

I realize that you do not have much respect for me, but I would love to give you a glimpse into the situation that we call our lives from my perspective.

From the time that I was 6 years old, I've known that something was wrong with you and my other parental figure. Since the age of 8, I've been acutely aware of the meaning of sex, and its various purposes and meanings. My knowledge of these things did not come from you, but from simple first-hand observation.

At the age of 11, I began paying for everything I wanted, and paying half the cost of things I needed, including in most cases my hygiene products, clothing and school supplies. From my point of view, it was not necessary that I contribute to this, as our family was not in any state of poverty. However, I will say that this gave me a wonderful sense of independence, and I can now confidently say that I could walk out of the house at nearly a moment's notice and be completely prepared to take on the world. So cudos to you for doing a good job there.

These are the grounds on which I feel that I can whole-heartedly say that I am miserable here. I am ready to break free and live my own life, and it is absolutely killing me to be here trying to get through the last few months of my imprisonment.

Can't wait to break free,

Songbird


Dearest friend whom I once loved,

At one point in time, you were my world, and you made everything in my life make sense. I never wanted to lose you. In fact, as we drift slowly further and further apart, I'm finding myself in territory that is increasingly less familiar. I'm afraid. I don't want to go so far away as to lose you forever, but perhaps that is what is best.

There was a time when you made me feel like I was worthless. I changed for you. I became the person that I thought you would want me to be, and you rejected that little girl. I don't know who I would have been if I hadn't met you, but it would not be this person that I find myself staring at in the mirror every morning. I have made something out of myself this year, rediscovered the person I was before there was "us", but it took a lot of effort, and quite a bit of willpower to create a life that made sense to me.

Now that I am taking steps to move on in life, I am worried about who I want to become in the future. I don't want to end up losing myself again. I want to stay authentic. In the midst of all this change, I want to maintain some sort of costant.

You were my first lover, and my truest friend, and I will never forget everything that we had.

I'm ready to move on,

Songbird